Still Feb 06
Valentine's Day today. Another week has raced by... far less achieved this week.
My last training day went OK - less knackered by the afternoon than the last one... but a presentation the day after training all day was not good planning. Had the afternoon off for my ultrasound scan (found the Cotswold Way by accident, now that will be an interesting route to pursue when there's time...).
Why is it that a medical qualification often creates an inability to actually hear what's being communicated?
Neither wonder Western medicine fails so many of us.
Bowed out of Ann Summers party, and slept most of the evening.
Managed a walk before my visit to Eastwood Park. A very different vibe from the male prisons... location and staff. Interesting.
Car breaks down after my college class. Rats.
Arrive home on back of tow truck about 12.30am.
The next few days are lessons in the stress of having no choice. Up and down to town on Thursday - a matter of maybe 4, at the most 5, miles - and I'm utterly exhausted. But the other weekend I managed over 7 miles... When I had no car for a while, I couldn't figure out why walking was such a problem. I like to walk... But somehow, when I've got to walk, I tire so very, very, much more quickly... It's somehow to do with disempowerment, oppression, being overwhelmed by the effort required just to get through life...
At least I get my invites done for my fundraisers evening. I also get very frustrated at what I haven't achieved in the time at my disposal (typically).
I do get to see Brokeback Mountain. Another trail into town - but well worth it. I needed the cinematic expanse of glorious scenery... A definite 'woman-penned' love story - however unconventional a woman she is...
The reiki weekend is lovely, but I'm disappointed to fall asleep during every visualisation, every attunement, every treatment... I knew I was getting very tired, trying to maintain daily exercise - but even I only usually manage to fall asleep sitting up in a car, train or aeroplane... Saturday night, I don't see more than the beginning of Sea of Souls...
I end up having to take Monday off work as well - mid-morning, I discover the garage has a member of staff at the dentist and the receptionist off sick... (why didn't he tell me?
Then the alternator he reserved is the wrong one... Then there are no other alternators available in Frome, it has to come from Bristol - will be here by 4pm (! I was expecting to be at work by 11am...) ... then Bristol supplier doesn't have the right alternator after all... By now, I feel as if my boss thinks I'm blagging - it's all terribly improbable...
Just as I'm heading out the door for a walk about ten past five, he rings back - car is ready to collect after all... so no walk.
The 13th indeed - I thought only Friday the 13th(s) were this traumatic...
The Valentine Poetry Cafe was interesting - what will stay with me is the last reader - the nurse whose youngest child was diagnosed 3 weeks ago with a brain tumour... it took some courage to share those intensely personal pieces, under those circumstances... his wife shedding tears for them all as he read... Glad I was judging, glad to honour his contribution with one of the prizes...
Unexpectedly frustrating Monday the 13th during the day or no - by evening, I am reminded that I am indeed blessed.
Crazy, crazy day at work today, catching up.
No exercise for 4 whole days. Bummer. Not good.
Neither is the political climate in Nepal - bit of shooting and general intimidation over elections... Far too early to worry about that (for us - Jeff is off next week for a trek!)
Still, I might have run out of energy resources, but I'm vastly cheered that my immune system seems to be pretty shit-kickingly efficient by comparison with non-heppie folk dropping like flies... I've been headachey for days, had an intermittently sore throat and today dodgy bowels - but other people are having to take time off sick... My car has taken care of giving me 'extra' time off - without feeling overly 'sick' (funny, I did wonder about taking yesterday off, I didn't feel too wonderful - then I looked at the pile of washing up and thought I'd rather go to work than face that... and then circumstances intervened...)
and, at last, I've had the chance to update my heppie trekkie journal. It's hardly award-winning literature (am I the only person to be offended by the (fairly) newly named Man Booker, or is that outdated feminist carping?) but this was never going to be literary masterpiece - it's a charting of the journey in preparing for, and fundraising for, the challenge of my lifetime so far...
This (pre-menstrual) few days has severely tested my faith and commitment to this undoubtedly crazy venture.
It's not an impossibility. In theory.
But the practicality of just the training is going to be one helluva challenge.
If I can drum up enough support to buoy me through darkly doubting days, I can do it. I know I can.
Normal, sane people don't tackle these kinds of ventures. Normal, sane people can't move (or even climb!) mountains.
It's the mad ones who pull off the (seemingly) impossible.
Shoot for the moon - you may still land among the stars!
Enough for one 'catch-up'... til next time!
originally part of training/fundraising for the Hepatitis C Trust's Nepal trek. Now, sporadic musings...
- ► 2007 (63)