The Mad March Hare's First Day of Spring

1st March 06

This morning's walk through icing sugar snow and trilling birdsong is just glorious. Such a sense of elation - now, isn't that the way to start day?

My physical resources are pretty low at the moment, I seem to be spinning in ever increasing circles, getting ever more decentred and ungrounded. Where normally fresh air and being uplifted by exercise sets me up well for the day, after only a mile and a half or so, I feel sick and dizzy, my eyes feel like somebody else's, and I get alternating hot and cold sweats. I feel slightly panicky on the way home about not being able to get there before I run out of steam completely.
It's a long time since I've felt like this so quickly. After seven miles, or strenuous exertion, I can understand it - but a wee morning stroll? Then I remember I took a couple of ibuprofen last night on the way home, so I'd be able to have a short gentle walk in spite of the pain in my knees. I feel ill after taking the tablets, maybe they've triggered this somehow, too... I really don't feel like driving to work - but I have an acupuncture session booked before the start of my day, and I always feel better after that...

Looking back through this journal, my aim was half an hour walking each day, with more at weekends. I've pushed through that to one and a half hours plus some days - I suspect because I've had a couple of weekends which haven't been geared around trek training. No surprise I'm having to rack back a bit.

My natural mode of progress is to seesaw, and I have plenty time to find a level that builds my stamina but doesn't exhaust me.

The mood swings are a bit more of a worry!

The pains in my knees (which this morning is much better) are down to Saturday's scramble from the top of Beechen Cliff to Manvers Street and back (for the Hep C Trust's Health Day Workshop), carrying a very heavy knapsack. That and hours perching on my kneestool engrossed in my new computer... (trying to figure it out!) (the Trust workshop was very useful, saves me checking out the Expert Patient initiative in detail as it's a hep C adaptation of the EP! Good to see Jane again, and meet Nick and Theresa. And the FOOD, the food was delicious... pity my digestion was a bit too dodgy to fully enjoy it!)

The journey to Bristol this morning is interesting - glorious winter sunshine alternating with the whiteout of snowshowers. At one point, I wonder if I'll make it on time for my treatment, it's so thick. But none of it lies.

Work is over very quickly - lots to do, and I leave early at 2.30 to go up to the Media Arts Studio to help Crysse record her bit for the 18th March. I get aeriated because I can't find my poetry book, then keep forgetting stuff I need and having to return for it, so that by the time I finally get organised and out the door, there's actually no time left to walk, so I have to take the car.

I'd have made myself feel ill if I had walked. And actually, knowing that is part of the problem... I'm a dab hand at displacement, which I proceed to do in style. It makes complete sense at the time - don't we all get frustrated with computers which don't do what you want them to? - although I know I'm sounding a little unhinged. To change metaphors - and why not? we're not talking rationality here - now I've wound the spring, it has to discharge somehow, which means continuing the rant...

After the recording session, Crysse tweaks the 'Kind of Kerouc' flyers, ready for mailing out. I call Mike and ask him to put the DDN article - in this week's issue - on the website, along with the KoK flyer. Then it's up to the book club at the Merlin, Ali's and my research for the book club holidays... Home via Tescos Express for some sarnies and snackie bits... and to chat to Mike about the website - and the stramash I've got myself in with password access, email accounts and my blog accounts etc. A certain erratic typist seems to have been even more inaccurate than usual... Not all the problems are down to poor keyboard skills. Some are faulty memory (brain fog? Acupuncturist tells me it's age - I hope not; if I'm like this now, I'll be like Iris in few years... which maybe wouldn't be so bad if I'd written a few books, like she had - but I haven't written any yet, and if my brain goes to mashed potato I never will!)

Petra's link to my blog on hers made me even more determined to crack the blog difficulty - I can't have a blog up that hasn't been updated in days!
hers is http://journals.aol.co.uk/parkness/MissionNepal/

I don't know if that will work as an active link, but people can always cut and paste... (it's well worth it, please do!) As soon as I find out how to embed links properly, I'll link to hers and Ron Metcalfe's, and Sue's - I'm actually a bit bemused, there's this great virtual publishing pool of hep C journals, which mine is part of at the click of a couple of other people's mouse buttons. I knew a blog was in the public domain - of course I knew that, I'm not a complete bozo - but I kind of expected that no-one would go to mine unless I told them it was there... as if I had in mind some kind of virtual ivory tower, I suppose!

Enough for one night. More soon!